Bite Me

January 15, 2010

This week’s Popcorn Panel is about Daybreakers, which was gross and full of dumb plot holes. But it was fun to talk about it with my buds Peter Kuling and Mike Kiss. Bad movies are always more fun to talk about than good movies, and you don’t have to feel guilty about revealing plot points, because really you are doing everyone a favour and saving them $12.

However, I can’t believe we made it through the entire panel with someone mentioning Willem Dafoe’s insane portrayal of Nosferatu in that kooky Shadow of the Vampire movie with John Malkovich. That was the best!

I’ve never been into vampires. I’ve never been into horror anything, and when I was a kid, I was terrified of everything from aliens to vampires, so I couldn’t sleep unless I had my blankie arranged to cover my neck just so to prevent me from potential vampire bites in the night (obviously, blankies are impervious to vampire bites). So I avoiding any books and movies that smacked of the supernatural for a very long time. Then when I was a bit older, I had this weirdo cousin who was a goth: between her and SNL’s amazing Goth Talk sketches, I figured vampires were for losers (note: I haven’t necessarily changed my mind about that).

Then, while I was in university, my younger sister became obsessed with Buffy the Vampire Slayer and bought the entire series on dvd. Since I had a lot of essays to avoid writing, I started watching it with her and was pretty into for awhile, but not because of the vampires. It was a smart and funny show, for the most part, and even though it peaked in its third season, it was still reliably entertaining (and totally heart wrenching, season five) until it completely lost the plot in the last season. I remember having a lot of dreams about the series while I was watching it – I wasn’t a hardcore fan or anything, but something about that show really got into my head.

Sometimes my friends and I play a game where we assess what kind of monster you would be based on personality type, and I’m usually a vampire (it fits – I am pale and snobby, after all), but aside from that I don’t really care about the metaphorical importance of vampires (personally, I find zombies scarier and more evocative, even though they are so overdone these days HOW MANY ZOMBIE WALKS DO YOU HAVE TO HAVE EVERY YEAR SHEESH!) So when I was ambushed by a Global reporter in line to see Daybreakers, I really didn’t want to talk to him about vampires. But he seemed so desperate, and I know first-hand how frustrating it is to be out getting man-on-the-street interviews, so I complied and pulled some nonsense out of my butt. So, yes, that was me on the Global news last Friday night talking incoherent nonsense about the enduring appeal (barf) of vampires. NO, I am not linking to a video. I make a fool of myself enough as it is, without any help from Global tv and stupid immortal bloodsuckers.

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One Response to “Bite Me”

  1. chrisy1 Says:

    Saw this film on Saturday, it was comical although it was pretty over the top blood-wise. Wasn’t how I was expecting it all. I was expecting something like Underworld or Blade.

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